There I am, on the stage looking out at the engaging audience in front of me. I’m on the verge of tears after one of the most stressful days of my life. Looking back on it, I’d consider myself a badass for maintaining my composure. The wheels start to turn, and I remember looking out into a crowd of people cheering us on after our playful yet timely performance. I dashed off the stage and immediately searched for where I put my other uniform. I wiped off my fresh base of makeup and removed all my jewelry. Still out of breath, I finished clothing myself in layers of camouflage. My dance teammate hands me a bottle of water and says, “I’m ready to take a nap between now and the game. I feel bad that you don’t get a break,” Her words remind me that today will be another one of “those” days. A break is a privilege that I never take advantage of.
I exit the building where I was set to perform and slowly walk towards my car , wasting as much time as I can . There was silence in the car ride to the armory. I like silence. It gives me time to think and register thoughts that I’m unable to comprehend on days like these. Meanwhile, I knew my cadre (superior leader) was resisting the urge to tell me “ You’re late ! ” as a joke to get at me for not prioritizing their organization first. They’d continue to say, “Take out your nose ring . ” I guess I missed a piece of jewelry while frantically trying to gather myself. I have several uniforms, yet the two I put on today represent me more than I ever thought they would.
The dance uniform. Sparkly, loud, bright, skimpy. You can see it from a mile away if you squint hard enough. I’ve put on this uniform for four years and sometimes I wish it were a little bit “quieter”. The Purple Pizzazz Pomline is what the public knows us by. We perform at sporting events, parades, and social parties for alumni and sponsors. Our faces are everywhere and it's
hard to hide from the public eye.
The camouflage uniform. A symbol of one of the most respected groups the United States Army. Heavy, covered, durable. Even with no sparkles, it still catches people’s eye. It represents the time, effort, and training put toward supporting a bigger cause. The ROTC program was built for that very reason, to educate young adults who plan on signing over their lives to protect and serve.
I think what grabs people's attention the most is changing into both uniforms on the same day. Not because they just saw me in another “outfit” a little bit earlier, but because the two are the complete opposite of one another. It creates questions in people’s minds such as, “How does she do both?” Sometimes, I wonder the same thing.
My days usually begin at 6 am. One hour at Pomline practice. The next hour at physical training or PT as we like to call it. Both requirements actually last about two hours alone. But with schedules colliding, I must split them up. On the bright side, obligations for Pomline usually take place in the late afternoon or on weekends, while ROTC obligations take place in the early afternoon and on weekdays. The downside is that it's not always rainbow and sunshine and sometimes, schedules do crash into one another, and all hell breaks loose. Chaotic days, getting dressed and undressed repetitively, driving at top speeds to make it to the next event, and going hours without eating are just the beginning.
Pomline requires me to appear “cheerful” and to gather the attention of a group of people. ROTC requires me to be stern and have a more disciplined demeanor. Sometimes I cross-contaminate my personality into each organization. Not many people need to change characters with a snap of a finger. It can be very difficult sometimes and I lose sight of what it is that I actually want.
What does this prove? Is it worth it? These are all questions that spiral in my head constantly. I have no military history whatsoever. So, what made me want to do this? I didn’t know much about the military until my later years in high school when I realized I was not the best at time management, and in a way, joining the program helped with planning and organizing my days. The negative was that a lot of events I was required to be at, unfortunately clashed with other obligations. The military comes with a repetitive lifestyle. Same days, same uniform, and the same people. Looking at what I want my future to look like, it registered in my mind the military was not for me. As much as I loved learning about tactical skills, financial stability, and practicing my public relations abilities, I couldn’t handle committing time towards something I wasn’t 100% sure of. An additional fact was that I joined the program non-contracted (no scholarship), unlike Pomline.
Pomline came to me more naturally. I’ve danced the entirety of my life and joining this organization was nothing short of “been there, done that.” I actually received a yearly scholarship to be a part of the team. I’ve always dreamed to take my talent as far as the professional level for a little while. Maybe a backup dancer for a famous artist or in a movie of some sort.
There came a time when I asked myself if this was really what I wanted to do. There were days of crying because I sometimes failed to give my all in everything that I did. When I realized that mentally, I couldn’t maintain a busy schedule with no breaks, I knew there was a decision to make. Which one will I give up? How do I tell my parents? Will I feel better after letting an organization go? I had to list out the pros and cons and spent days trying to figure out which one would benefit me in the long run. The obvious answer would be the military, right? Wrong.
My last semester. The decision lies in what will help me finish school financially. Yes, while in college I maintained having up to three jobs at a time. My focus was more of making sure my parents didn’t have to pay for anything and sometimes I sacrificed my mental state for the sake of my parents. I never wanted them to worry in any way when it came to school.
Thinking about what life brings after graduation is scary. Both programs benefited me in ways that I can’t express enough. I’ve met many wonderful people and I’ve created relationships and memories that will last a lifetime. I’ve gained knowledge at the convenience of what life has to offer me in the future. What will get me further in life are my communication skills and both programs have allowed me to dissect my talent for speaking with people and finding solutions. Some may call ROTC and Pomline just organizations on campus, but ultimately, they are what I needed to find myself and my true passion in life. Giving speeches, holding leadership positions, and developing public relations skills are just the beginning of the things that I’ve done in each program that have assisted with where I currently am in life. I now hold head positions, such as Director of Communication Operations, in all three of my jobs. Middle and High Schools reach out to me to judge their annual tryouts for dance, color guard, and cheer.
Turns out, I didn’t have to choose after all. Dance has played such a huge part in my life that it has gotten me to the professional level. I am now a professional NFL Cheerleader for the rising Houston Texans. I made the decision to go through with this long audition process very last minute and didn’t realize that once and if I made the team, my life would change forever. I am so excited to see what this new journey has in store for me. This life may be an unusual one at my age, but I would not have it any other way!
